"I don't care"

Saying ‘I don’t care’ is the biggest insult. Even bigger than calling someone a moron, which is very hurtful.

First of all, you’d never call an actual imbecile an imbecile. Imbeciles already know that they are imbeciles. Reminding them of the circumstances of their birth makes you an imbecile. (And an asshole.) The purpose of calling someone who isn’t an imbecile an imbecile is to humiliate them to the point where they reconsider their actions that you considered imbecilic. It is a terrible way to motivate someone, though it works in some circumstances.

But saying ‘I don’t care’ to someone is far worse.

It means three things:

• I don’t understand
• I don’t want to understand
• You don’t matter to me

At least saying in saying ‘I don’t know’ a person can admit to not having thought about the topic, and not having thought about it, they have no educated opinion of it and have nothing further to say. It also serves as a conversational signal that the subject is becoming stale and could be changed.

Many, many times in our life do we have conversations with people about topics we don’t understand, and as the conversation continues, we realize we cannot understand. Not far from this boundary do we find ourselves flirting with the new understanding that we ’don’t care.’

This is how I feel when I speak with my Ph.D candidate brother about the work he does in his lab.

I listen, and I try to follow along, but I am not equipped with facts or interest to do so for very long. I care about him, but I do not care about the subject matter. Therefore, if I uttered the selfish phrase ‘I don’t care’ it would be like saying ‘I don’t care about you.’

That would be more rude than calling him dumb. Other lab mates might be smarter than him, which might make him self-conscious, but that doesn’t make him dumb.

He engages with me about topics he doesn’t know or care about, and because he is very smart, he usually knows a little something about it. (Usually more. His brain is a sponge. Mine is a bucket with a hole in it.)

Intelligence is no reason to be tactless: he would never say ‘I don’t care’ because he is not a rude asshole. With lesser intelligence and equal tact he might admit that he just doesn’t know. An acceptable, polite alternative.

A friend of mine has been saying ‘I don’t care’ as an unfunny joke for years. Muttering this demonic incantation, even in jest, he has produced a staid life of nihilism. Out of shape, filthy, lonely, and having committed to not caring about anything but himself, he is also unattractive.

Saying ‘I don’t care’ is unattractive because being rude is unattractive. We don’t have to care about everything, but we also don’t have to say it.