As a casual experiment for no pre-determined length of time, I decided to live without the internet last winter.
By evening of the first day, I was using again.
Back then, the only way for me to succeed was to compromise. As such, I decided to avoid all social media instead, while still using the greater internet for necessities like news, blogs, debates, gossip, and calumny. (There were always arguments to be had in the comments section of news sites.) But without twitter to scroll through while I stood in an elevator for 13 seconds, my phone became semi-useless. Rarely did I receive phone calls or text messages, and Gmail and Venmo were hardly as satisfying.
This new lifestyle choice was cut short by the P A N D E M I C and resulting quarantine, which fettered me comfortably to a computer screen to use the internet the way we did circa 2002.
This experiment, and others that followed, made undeniable that I was a slave to the internet and social media. More than a habit, this was now my *sigh*……lifestyle. I needed to take a cold shower forever.
There were two reasons why I had become a slave: I was afraid to appear alone in groups of people, and submitted to my phone to look busy (important), and I was afraid of boredom (thinking independently) i.e. using my hard earned intuition. (This was not Absolute Boredom, a different topic.) Thus, the phone enabled the slow and habitual creep of spiritual weakness. I did not rely on God for these moments of boredom, but my digital appendage.
Alas, this was only a temporary public persona I’d adopted anyway. Once quarantined my internet addiction served as much a crutch for boredom and God replacement as my phone had before the experiment.
No longer. Today is Day 12 or 13 (I forget) of extremely limited internet and no social media. It has not been easy, and I find myself often bored. My phone is nothing more than a sleek and smooth brick, yet it must always accompany me. (I am beginning to wonder why.) Of course, I can still enjoy media that ends, like books and newspapers, just not video games, TV, movies or videos. The idea for this experiment is ascetic in nature. What will avoiding the instant gratification via phone and the information deluge of the internet at large do to me?
The First Stage is Boredom
My intellect is average at best, but boredom has undeniably increased it; I have recently compiled a list of daily insights (expect to see them fleshed out here). That was not possible when I was always being told what to think and when to think it, conditioned by my phone’s notifications to care about what was outside my control.
Newly ignorant to current events, I trust whatever I overhear, and because I don’t have any “alternative” facts, I can’t rebut. Boredom is the perfect exchange for fear and anger. This is very freeing!
The news is bullshit anyway. (So is voting.) All I need to know is which liberties they are taking away and when and/or which country we are invading and “why.” Simplifying my life by giving up control has thus far made me very content. I will always have political opinions that surface, but they will burn away if not fueled by the news cycle. Good. This leaves room for glorifying God, the only thing that separates us from the animals in the first place.
Everyone is always outraged by something, somewhere. Not me. I’m bored!
The Second Stage is Prayer
Silence is precious. Boredom is the first immature expression of that silence. I am immature insofar as silence is new to me. When it becomes unbearable, I rage and complain.
This is because I am a spoiled bitch. (Ordinary people accepted constant boredom for millennia before our pathetic generation.) However, once I let that rage and those complaints pass over me--without giving in to the temptation of twitter—I become calm. I stop trying to control everything and begin to enjoy this unpleasantness as it passes. This takes time and patience, of which I am also a novice and can give no practical tips.
When I am emptied of boredom, I am in silence. When I am in silence God is close. To bring myself closer, I pray.
Are there more than two stages?
I don’t know yet. Probably?
Arriving at the first step was the result of desperation for change, manifested from a deeper sadness that “entertainment” could never fill. Courageously taking that step was done in rebellion to fear and its control over me, which was only possible because I have faith (Stage 2). (How to have faith is another topic.)
The buffet of distraction has replaced ordinary boredom, in turn causing everyone to become addicted to entertainment. By denying myself this temptation and forcing myself to pay attention to my surroundings, I am re-learning to use my brain for glorifying God.
Are you ready to be uncomfortable? Are you ready to be free? God is waiting.
