Why are we still using zoom? I ask myself during a meeting with co-workers sitting in the next room.
"Why we still using zoom?" asks an actually courageous co-worker over zoom. "We all here."
"Because some of us are not in the office," responds the manager, the only person still working from home. "And corporate wants us to maintain social distancing, if the city decides to shut down again, because of the new variant."
Nobody in the office is threatened by "the new variant" because everyone in the office worked from the office throughout the first P A N D E M I C. But they all still watch CNN, believe in "the new variant," and obey accordingly.
(Where the NY Times appeals to arrogant idiots, CNN appeals to just plain idiots. Or power hungry middle managers wielding the "legitimacy" of the MSM to stay socially distant at home forever.)
TRANSITION
As a Nickelback fan, it is extremely appropriate that I have a photo of Chad Kroeger as my zoom profile picture. If we are to use zoom forever then my co-workers must know that I am a fan of Nickelback. If they know nothing else about me for the duration of my employment let them know that I am extremely a fan of Nickelback.
"Nice Nickelback meme!" one of them says over zoom, at the meeting's conclusion. This was meant in good faith, as a compliment, but it gets me ranting on the inside:
'Meme? Meme? What is a meme anyway? A joke? Why are you calling a legitimately good band a joke? Because you saw some pictures on the internet? Well, the internet is full of wrong idiots. And you are a follower of wrong idiots....laughing at whatever they tell you to laugh at. It's pathetic. You're pathetic. Nickelback is good, and Nickelback has always been good and Nickelback will be good until the end of time. Nickelback is not a joke you stupid fucking faggot.'
But then the calm of pity followed the storm of wrath as I realized that my poor pathetic fucking faggot of a co-worker was nothing more than a sheep in need of a shepherd.
"Thanks!" I said, knowing that if it takes time to build the trust needed to lead all souls back to salvation, then it will also take time to lead them to Nickelback appreciation.
"What's Nickelback?" someone else says.
