Unsolicited Advice 8

Dear Amy,

I am a happy introvert. Always have been. I like to go to the movies alone, out to eat alone, and engage in other activities by myself. My wife is the same way, though we obviously enjoy going out together. 

My question is about our 7-year-old son. We've never done play dates or thrown birthday parties that his classmates in day care or school were invited to because interacting with other parents is terrifying. 

I feel bad that my not wanting to interact with other parents might be depriving my little guy of friendships. 

So far, my son doesn't seem to mind our household's version of normal, but he is outgoing and I don't want to squash his extroverted nature. 

Should I go far outside of my comfort zone and force play dates, or will my son eventually make "real" friends when he's ready? 

Joe

To describe interacting with other parents as 'terrifying' makes you sound like a coward, and sets a bad example for your son. At 7 he is extroverted, but that could change. For now, it makes him happy to interact with classmates his own age. Get over your own cowardice and arrange play dates. This isn't about your happiness anymore. It should never have been about preserving your happiness at the expense of your 7 year old's. How selfish!

Dear Amy, 

I was married for 45 years to a man who was self-absorbed and acted like a teenager. I stayed, believing the family we had was important. We are in our late 60s, and have two children and four grandkids. 

My husband was moody, drank a lot, and spent his money on his hobbies and friends.
After he left I learned he was hiding money, had kept his inheritance in his name and was having an affair with a high school girlfriend. They are now together. 

He lied about this and then joked when he admitted it was true. 

Should I see this man at family occasions? I don't want to make others uncomfortable, but I would prefer not to. Whenever I see his happy posts on social media, I cringe. 

He says he would like to remain in contact. He has told people that he has no remorse or guilt about leaving or cheating. He tells everyone we just grew apart. He tells me he cares for me, but I don't believe him. I am disappointed with myself that I stayed. It has been difficult, but I am managing. I work full time and sometimes feel isolated. 

What should I do? 

Left

You don't have a choice to see him at family occasions, but you certainly don't have to interact with him. And you shouldn't interact with him. For your own good and to a lesser extent, his.

He only wants to remain in contact because he is accustomed to getting everything he desires. Respect yourself. Do not give him any more of you. He was never a real man; he cheated when things became difficult.

He hasn't learned (he lies about your relationship to family) and never will (he thinks there are no consequences to his actions, and thus he has no remorse). He cannot go around believing this and expect to remain in contact! He deserves to get smacked in the face!

Please don't be disappointed you stayed. You have two children and four beautiful grandchildren. These feelings hurt, but they will pass.

Avoid social media. Find other ways to stay in touch with people you actually care about. Knowing about other people is not worth the pain of cringe.

Your children should know the kind of man their father is. They are the support you need.