Unsolicited Advice #5

Dear Amy, 

I am a 16-year-old girl in high school. I met a guy through a church event six months ago. We started talking, and then a month later he came to my house to hang out during the weekend.

His uncle was with him when he came over and met my mom. 

I started dating the guy, and my mom started dating my boyfriend's uncle! 

Now my mom is going to marry his uncle, a person she's known only for four months. 

I plan on being with my boyfriend and marrying him; I truly love him. 

Since my mom is marrying his uncle that would make my boyfriend and me cousins by marriage. 

It is not legal where I live to marry my cousin. 

What should I do?  

Confused Almost-Cousin

It isn't legal to marry first cousins in most places. Namely, disease. Also, it makes people squeamish. Both good reasons.

But this isn't a legitimately illegitimate first cousins marriage. Yours would be a first-cousins-by-marriage marriage. You're not blood relatives, so it is legitimate under God, which means you have a good case that can be made to the state/county for your marriage's legitimacy.

You didn't tell me your family history, but it seems that your father is absent, thus your mother's quick marriage. It is appropriate to celebrate your mother finding a worthy man.

Things can only get tricky if your boyfriend's uncle is also his father figure. That would put the two of you in the same house during a time when your relationship still needs time to mature. I don't want to make assumptions here, but you don't want to end up like your mother.

I think it is a sign of maturity to want to marry so young. In the meantime take it slowly.

Dear Amy,

I am the oldest of three (the only daughter). My dad has died, and my mom insists on having her funeral at "The Smith Funeral Home." This is a place that I would rather not give our business to. 

My closest childhood friend is a funeral director at another funeral home, and I would like to utilize her services instead. 

My mother's reason is that we have buried our grandparents and my dad from the Smith Funeral Home. My father also did business with them when he was alive. 

Amy, I think my family has given them enough of our business. 

Do I go with my mother's last wishes? If I do, it will upset my friend and I am sure some people will wonder why I wouldn't choose her funeral establishment. 

My mother is very stubborn, and there is no talking to her about anything. 

Believe me, I get the bulk of her nastiness since her health is giving her issues. My brothers could not care less. They leave me to do everything, and my mom backs them up entirely. 

Daughter Dearest

For the first time in a long time your mother is going to be without her best friend. Make this transition as smooth as possible for her, and give her this simple request. This isn't about you and your friends and what other people think; it is about the legacy of your father for your mother's sake.  If you really prefer your friend's funeral services over your parent's legacy you can bury your mom in your friend's funeral home when she passes.